The last few years of my life have been an amazing, at times unbelievable, often terrifying, and incredibly thrilling journey; emerging out of fear, judgment, suffering, and ego-conditioning, and moving towards self-love, conscious awareness, authenticity, forgiveness, acceptance, and surrender.
My personal intention for this site is that it serve as a catalog of the thoughts, experiences, and resources I’ve been collecting as I go. I hope they are helpful to those who might feel (as I often have) like they are wandering around in the darkness.
Here’s the thing – I’m not a good writer. When I’m writing, I imagine that I’m speaking to you, and my words (like my speech) meander all over the place. My grammar and structure leave much to be desired, I know. My only real excuse (aside from a terribly insufficient primary education) is that English wasn’t my first language. I’m not sure how far that gets me… More honestly, I never took the time to work on my writing, and I still don’t feel like it.
But there is something within that keeps asking me to write and share the things I’m learning and experiencing. I’ve often struggled with the question of whether it’s appropriate to write about deeply sacred and personal things (I sometimes fear that it’s just vanity), but the answer from within has always been in the affirmative. Some of the posts come to me, in ready- made paragraphs in my mind, and it feels as though I’m just transcribing them. I take that as a sign that the content is asking to be shared.
Here’s an ever-growing short background story:
A few years ago, living a rather normal life, I suddenly experienced a very intense spiritual awakening. The details are a very cliche story for another time. (Basically, sitting in a park, under a tree, I listened to some podcasts, and out of nowhere… Awakening! What followed was an entire week of divine love and bliss, and incredible insights into universal wisdom and truth.).
After coming back down to earth, it felt as if something opened for me that could no longer be closed. Everything was different; and I could no longer go back to the life I was living. Feeling compelled to follow this calling to something I didn’t fully understand or appreciate at the time, off I went on my journey of discovery.
Since then, I have dedicated myself almost exclusively to spiritual study and practice. I immersed myself entirely into a variety of spiritual and esoteric traditions and philosophies (toltec, buddhist, tao, zen, shamanism, stoicism, hermeticism, advaita, and non-dual shaiva tantra. Most recently, I’ve been devouring the writings of the Christian mystics.).
More importantly, I spent an incredible year as a Toltec apprentice with Nagual Gaya Jenkins (in the lineage of don Miguel Ruiz). I’ve also studied just about all the major new-age teachings, and spent a year learning sacred sexuality across most of the traditions.
After nearly two years of practice and deep (deep!) inner clearing work, I went through a powerful ego-death experience, a spontaneous initiation, and shortly thereafter, I started to experience the symptoms of a full-blown kundalini awakening. Since then, I have been learning all about this divine process, and navigating incredible states of altered consciousness, mystical events, as well as very intense and challenging periods of healing. I’ve also encountered multiple twin souls, or twin flames, and learned a great deal about the spiritual principles governing those dynamics.
Over the past two years (almost), I’ve been undergoing a profound purification process (both very very painful and scary). I’ve been taken on a philosophical/mystical tour, across continents and cultures, and throughout time. I’ve been taught about the cultivation of virtue, groomed in spiritual warrior-ship, endured unimaginable destructions, afflictions, and purgations, experienced and cleared innumerable past lives, reluctantly (very very reluctantly) mastered the realms of darkness, fear, and desire, and witnessed the unfathomable mystery and devastating nature of truth. (It exists in a very convoluted contradictory structure, snake-like, going first one way towards a particular polarity, then the opposite way back towards the other extreme. The deeper you get the more human logic surrenders to mystical logical where duality disintegrates and a unitive middle way is revealed. It holds within itself all the truths and all the perspectives balanced as one. Outside of a mystical state of consciousness, it is impossible to grasp with the mind.).
I’ve been functionally and physically disabled for the duration of this process, often unable to get out of bed for days. I’ve learned to take most of it in stride now, since I derive a great deal of meaning and purpose from this work, but it’s been objectively catastrophically awful. I have traversed a great deal of terrifying and unbearable psychological conditions. Not a day has gone by without physical, psychological, and intense emotional turmoil. (I don’t think I need to say this, but I wouldn’t recommend any of this to anyone.) The good news is that I’ve found my way (with divine guidance) through all of it, and have some new healing modalities and discoveries to share.
Currently, I live a monastic lifestyle, continuing to dedicate all of my waking hours (and sometimes sleeping hours) to mystical work. (It appears I’m not quite finished yet, but almost.). When I’m able, I work with others as a guide and spiritual teacher. Combining all of the teachings, traditions, experiences, and wisdom I’ve received (from teachers as well as through realization and revelation), I help others with their spiritual work. At some point, I was intuitively given a unique set of tools and guidance on how to work with kundalini energy itself; and how to support and guide those who are suffering from intense and painful kundalini syndrome. The links in the menu bar will take you to more information about that.
Thank you for visiting and reading. If you wish to contact me directly, my email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.